Ever feel like you just really need a change? Like you're stuck in this weird space all alone and out of control? Lately those have been my vibes. Yesterday I Googled how to get out of a rut; but it seemed like every link I clicked told me the answer was in a cup of tea or a long walk. Some lectured me about the power of the mind and told me to grab my life by the balls and guide it in the direction I wanted to take it. But that's the thing about ruts...you feel like you're spiraling so quickly out of control while simultaneously staying painfully stagnant and all the while searching for some small remnant of a feeling that breathes adventure in your veins again - that makes you feel vibrant and excited. Something that gives you that zest and makes you see the magic that surrounds us all. Well I'll tell you one thing - there isn't a teacup big enough in the world to hold that feeling at the bottom. There’s no walk long enough and no motivational story inspiring enough to pull me out of this one. In the past two weeks in an effort to get out of this space, I've bought a new gym membership and attended daily classes, made a new vision board, started every morning with a gratitude list, forced myself out to new social events, journaled, made a new meal plan, tore my room apart and completely redecorated it, and finally dyed my dreads blonde. And I can tell you that at the end of those two weeks.. I still feel like I'm in the passenger seat of an empty car speeding towards oblivion. I've meditated on the feeling, tried to just be with it in stillness, shied away from it, fully acknowledged it without judgment, and tried to get lost in the wonderful mental labyrinth that is Netflix binging - and still, as I lay my head down on my pillow at night I'm faced with that feeling of disassociation and detachment. Constantly second guessing who I am and where I'm going.
But what I have learnt from chasing rejuvenation is confirmation that everything happens for a reason and that we might not be able to see the puzzle pieces fitting into place but they are in fact - fitting. Sounds disgustingly cheesy doesn't it? Let me explain..
My dad recently shared the story of the brick layer with me. A man walked up to another man who was laying bricks and asked him what he was doing - he replied " what, are you stupid? I'm laying bricks, what does it look like?!" So he kept walking until he came across another man laying bricks and asked him the same question - "what are you doing?" Except this man replied - "I'm building a cathedral". The moral of the story is that while we may be focusing on the task at hand, we must never forget the goal - the bigger picture - the master plan. Such a powerful message in such a short story. While you may get some small and completely unrelated piece of wisdom from this message, it truly made me understand the power of patience. The term "rut" is such a negative one. It implies pain or discomfort, doesn't it? What if sometimes we need a rut? What if this feeling of stagnation or loss of control was designed in our life to signal a point of transition? A point of evolution to a new normal - a brighter, bigger, better version of you.
Change is always hard. Sometimes we're thrust into it but sometimes - sometimes we're given the gift of time and the option to walk gracefully into a new chapter of our ever expanding book. Maybe this weird feeling that my brain doesn’t know what to do with is simply the signaling of a new phase. What if it just feels uncomfortable because its different - not because it's bad?
Maybe you need to sit with your rut, flip it on its head, and see what it's telling you so that you can have the patience to walk through it. Maybe the next time you're given an opportunity to come out of your cocoon as a majestic butterfly - you'll take it - because accepting change is a choice, and like your new and beautiful wings - it can flutter away just as quickly as it came, taking all of its beauty and possibility with it.
I'm not expecting to wake up tomorrow morning full of excitement and wonder. I'm not expecting crazy adventures or once in a lifetime opportunities next week. But I understand that this too shall pass, and that my new normal is developing here and now if I only have the patience to ride with it, envision the cathedral, and have faith that life is taking me where I need to be.